Notice how I said “Relationships”…

We met at end on 2005. Both nineteen years old without a clue in the world. We had the same interest, and wanted the same things, so it was perfect. However, perfect doesn’t mean you actually know a person, or even yourself. The first mistake was moving in together early in the relationship. I knew it wasn’t going to be a good idea, but I still went along with it. I then learned the things that I didn’t like about him, but at the same time I felt bad. I cared for him deeply, and that was my mistake. He didn’t deserve the level of commitment I gave him, as he didn’t have the same love for me. He never called me out my name, nor cheated (that I know of anyhow), but the abuse was still there. We’d argue and fight, both verbally and physically.

When will it ever end I thought to myself. It got to the point where I didn’t know what was worse; his emotional abuse, his anger issues, or drinking problem. Something had to change. How dare he move his family in with us, when there wasn’t a lick of help from them. But yet I still took care of my end. When will it ever end I thought to myself, and I began thinking too much. I had to think about other things ,and began focusing on my self, my health, and spiritual journey. This is what helped me overcome my fear of change. The arguments grew, and so did the fighting. He once went through my laundry to sniff my underwear to see if I was cheating! It was becoming a nightmare, and there was no fixing something that was already broken. I never thought about our future as husband and wife because we were young, but it got to the point where our relationship wasn’t fun anymore.

You can’t change people, but you can attract the right ones. You just have to fix what’s breaking you. So much has happen in those 5 years we were together, and most of them were bad. It took some self-reflection to finally move on and be happy. The most challenging part of this was losing friends. These “friends” were comfortable in their situation, and expected me to be comfortable with them. You can’t expect to get support from those who haven’t had the same experience. I couldn’t even go to a friends house without him showing up.”Beep, Beep, Beep!” (looks out the window) “who’s that”? “Your ex is outside”. Why in the heck did he show up to my friends house at 2 in the morning?! With a machete?! This is getting out of hand. And due to him being mean to my cats,  I had to take them to my mothers house.

It was finally over and it was the best, and worst thing I’ve ever been through. It was the best because I learned a lot about myself, and worst because of how I had to learn. You can only love someone so much, and it is okay to love them, but you don’t have to be with them. No one deserves to be treated this way, and it is not okay. You really have to learn about a person. Get to know their family, their friends, their interest etc. However, you won’t really know 100% about a person until you live with them. Now this doesn’t mean to hurry off to move with your significant other, or be nervous about it. Just don’t get your hopes up, and be prepared for anything.This means to not depend on them, and to make sure you are able to care for yourself. I had my own account where I was saving money, so once I told him we were over, I was out that day. Dealing with someone who is prone to arguing and fighting can be unpredictable, or maybe predictable. Most of the time, they wait for the opportunity to do it all over again. Take it for me, I once tried leaving a couple years prior, but because I wasn’t fully prepared, I ended up back with him. You don’t want to get stuck, so this means disconnect yourself from them, completely.

Self-reflection and self-worth are very important when making decisions, and sometimes the support you need is not what you’ll get. Don’t be afraid to move on alone. After all this is your journey, and you are responsible for your own happiness.

Take care,

M0J0

*image provided by Google Images, 2016

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