It’s Pretty F*ck*d Up

It’s Pretty F*ck*d Up

When you really sit down and think about it…..

It’s crazy when you seem like the type of person to do anything for anyone, and yet you don’t receive the same back. This can go for any type of relationship. But for now, I am speaking about intimate relationships. At 30, I am more aware of my desires than I was 5+ years ago, and now that I am single, I am more focused on not having a relationship. However, what has never changed is my effort towards someone when I really like them. This is where the f*ck*ry begins though. When the feelings aren’t mutual to begin with, one of course puts in more effort than the other, and it just amazes me how the other gets away with it not doing the same. But to be honest, that is a nasty attitude to have. You are not supposed to do things for something equal or better in return, but at the same time, it is the effort that makes the difference. You can’t make them understand, because the problem, from the very beginning, was that it was never a match to begin with. This is something to pay attention to, from the beginning, and don’t let it slide, because it’ll only get worse.

But because you are the type of person to put in effort, in everything you do, you tried to succeed at something that wasn’t meant to happen, and you know that. Congratulations…..You played ya’ self (as DJ Khaled says lol). I think we sometimes get lost in the game of winning, so you don’t want to give up so easily. And that is understandable. However, you’ll end up hurting yourself. You see the potential, but their potential is not the same as someone already “having it together” like yourself. So this is why it is important to really know yourself and be with someone who truly compliments that. I’ll take my time, even if it is forever, because the best love you’ll ever receive is from yourself anyhow, and you deserve that and more. So love yourself this time…..More!

Imagine if more people were like that. We would have a stronger sense of self, not worried about other peoples lives, drama, belongings, status. You know, not so “social media”, we wouldn’t, compare, and instead be more inspired. Well only in a perfect world, and we are not perfect, we are all trying to figure things out and that’s why we’re here. To try, learn, and share…sounds simple, but here we are, still complicated….

LOL!

M0J0

Sometimes… (Part 1)

You get tired of people’s shit. Yet somehow, they want you to be a part of THEIR shit (so badly)… I just don’t get it!

I like taking the slower route to change, because I enjoy seeing and using other routes, but not other people do that. Shit we all things differently right. But, what I don’t get is how people can do whatever it is they do, then expect you to be a part of it. What if you still need time to adjust to this change, especially a dramatic change. This is not to take away from the other person, but there are boundaries (which a lot of people do not have, and don’t care if you do).

I’m just exhausted. I know there are others going through this too, because I see it almost everyday. Let’s vow to not be a part of anything, or anyone, we don’t want to be a part of, and not feel guilty over it. I just wish people paid more attention to their actions, and stop expecting those around them to change on their watch. It’s not fair right? Why should we have to stop our lives to cater to something, or someone who deep down doesn’t want to be a part of it themselves?

Also, give people time, everyone is not quick to adapting to certain situations and people right away…¬†

long sigh,

M0j0

Stop Pretending!

Stop Pretending!

Let’s leave that in 2016, along with some other shit…

I’m seeing a lot of people in their feelings, and I’m sure it has a lot to do with some guilt or maybe some regrets from the year. 2016 has been a lot, and like the years prior, there’ll always be ups and downs, but what good is a resolution if you don’t have any intentions on really changing.

Stop pretending! This is one of the main problems a lot of of us have. We get so caught up in a situation, and sometimes lose ourselves. We need to be more mindful of our thoughts, as it will lead to our actions. Check in with yourself and ask yourself questions, don’t just act! People pretend so well that they believe their situation is ideal because maybe they have some admirers, or maybe they are too lazy to make the necessary changes. Funny thing is, sometimes they have the nerve to belittle the things you want to do with your life, although what you want is truly fulfilling. Don’t lose that focus. Don’t allow the “fakeness” rub off on you. Let them keep that “wannabe” happiness to themselves.

I don’t know about you, but it just makes me feel uncomfortable seeing and knowing things, yet others cannot or just refuse to see for themselves.

So let them, and continue to strive….without pretending of course! ūüėČ

Real talk!

M0j0

 

Figure Out What You Want

Figure Out What You Want

It’s okay to know what you want, don’t give in for anything less!

Life is confusing, we all know this. But it is definitely a journey that involves learning. Some of us live life on the edge, others may not, and we learn more or less than the next, but living gives us an opportunity to learn about ourselves. 

Don’t ever feel ashamed for wanting what you want, you are obviously intrigued by this for a reason. Maybe this will be a part of your learning experience. Maybe you’ll no longer want it once it’s been recieved. You never know, but you shouldn’t deprive yourself of it. When you want something you have to ask yourself questions, and learn to be more cautious of this process.¬†

I question myself, and as I become older, the major question is “do I need it?”. This all depends on what that want is, because sometimes it can be a temporary want, and then I no longer want it. Whatever the want is at the time, I ask questions to make sure it is something idealistic¬†to my real life, and if it is indeed a need.¬†

You have to figure things out as they come sometimes, but of course this involves displeasing others.You still have to put yourself first though. This is one of the problems I’ve observed growing up. Many of us, including myself, don’t put ourselves first enough. And we should.

We should never settle for something that may be hindering our progress, and if you find yourself making unnecessary sacfrifices, maybe you should refocus those sacrifices. This involves others. We often get involved in relationships, friendships included, that end up one-sided, and sometimes we¬†don’t realize it. This is the time to reevalvaute each and one of those relationships and see if this is something you want…and actually need.

We all need to stop making so many sacrifices on things that do not serve us in return. We do anything for the things, or people we want, but do¬†those things really matter. This is a reminder to add more quality to¬†your life. Eliminate the things we really don’t want, and find motivation in the things we do.¬†

Think, grow, and love!

Mojo 

Learn to Be Done & Be Fine with Being Done…

Learn to Be Done & Be Fine with Being Done…

You gotta look out for you, especially when no one else does….

There comes a point in your life when you start to question things more than before. Your self-awareness is at an all time high, and you begin to grow more as a person. This process is needed, but sometimes it can be painful. You try to bring those who are important to you along this journey. Deep down, you know they need this as much, if not more, than you. Well not every journey is for everyone, so you gotta keep going. Even if its leaving them behind.

It hurts right? Especially when its your own family. I never had a close family, and always had a “family” outside my own family. Growing up, I realized the changes and sacrifices I would have to make in order to be better than them. And that was to not be around them. Unfortunately, I didn’t¬†have many positive role models in my family, except my older brothers. But as far as cousins, aunts, uncles, etc., I didn’t. I have a pretty big family, but we’re not close. Some of us, like myself, escaped the family drama that never had¬†anything¬†to do with¬†the present moment, but somehow things always comes up. In other words, there was no healing.

I refuse to be around anyone who is full of drama. It doesn’t get us anywhere, instead it brings more misery and pain. No one deserves to stay stuck, but if you choose to, then leave me out. I always choose to go the other¬†route. Life is too short, and I would whether put in time to better myself, than to dwell on past events that has nothing to do with me. I know some of this is out of their control, but it is difficult being around people who are not on the same level as you. Sometimes distancing yourself allows them to focus on themselves, and most of the time they don’t even do that.

YOU have to find it within yourself to be done with THEIR misery and pain. YOU have to set yourself FREE.

So what happens when you don’t set yourself free? Their misery and pain grows onto you. Somehow you’re the focus of their issue. This is when you need to back off….

These types of people can’t be happy for you, because they are not happy with themselves. You can’t expect to have a healthy relationship with an unhappy person. Even if it is a family member. Sad right? Well this is the story of my life, and that’s why I always say I don’t have a family. I’ve accepted this already. Besides my cats, a few good friends, and my partner, I don’t have any close family members. Instead, I have family members who are jealous and cruel towards one another.

They want the heat off of their own troubles, but try to add the heat to yours. It is so cruel and selfish of them to do that. They play the victim role, and¬†there comes a time when you just have to be done with playing their victim game. But, it hurts the most when you’re trying your hardest to be nice to them, and still it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough….

Why would someone dare want to ruin your happiness? That’s one of the things I’m most passionate about. They do this to bring you down, or at least try to and that’s not right. We are in the flesh, but not everyone’s soul is where it needs to be. It just sucks that these souls have to be cruel to others, and for no reason. This goes to show that it doesn’t matter who the person is, it can be someone in, or outside, your family, and they’ll still treat you like crap. And you don’t deserve that.

This is still a learning process for me, because I don’t know anyone else who has these types of problems. It is easier to deal with when it is not a family member, but how difficult is it when it is your mother?! This game has been going on since I was younger, one day she loves me, and the next she is treating me like a bum on the street. I’m to the point of being done, and being fine with it. You get tired of people treating you any kind of way, because they feel like it. What about honesty, and compassion? Not everyone is capable of giving this.

I use to do a lot for my mother, helping her as if I was her parent, and I was okay with it. But that wasn’t enough. I tried inviting her opening my home to her, but that wasn’t enough. She still brings drama, unnecessary drama, wherever she goes. My psychologist told me these are the people I need to stay away from. With the kind of heart I have, these people don’t deserve my time. This is because they don’t want my help, they just want to take and take, and the only thing they can offer is drama, and that’s not a gift.

I use to feel horrible not wanting to be around my mother, but again, how can you have a healthy relationship with someone who is unhappy? Why should I, or anyone be around someone who is not looking to have a loving relationship? Unfortunately, she didn’t have this growing up, so what to expect right? Why even try if you’re the only one trying….

When it gets to this point, and trust me there were many points, I distance myself. I don’t respond to calls, text messages, etc. I stay to myself and become productive. I use this time and energy to create and motivate, and that’s why I’m here. To anyone experiencing family drama, you’re not alone. Know that it is challenging, but also know your limits. You are only you, and you have to take care of yourself first.

Don’t be afraid to distance yourself. We can’t expect people to understand their faults, it is for them to figure out on their own, and sometimes they’ll never figure it out. But don’t ever be cruel back, instead, just take a step back from the situation and regroup. Sometimes you have to let things fall apart. Let these types of situations motivate you. Just know that what ever other people are going through is them, and it has nothing to do with you.

Let them be as you become more, and more, at peace with yourself. This is all a part of the process, and sometimes things get thrown at you for no reason. Take this challenge full on, and become stronger!

We’ll get through this better than before.

 

Learn to Invest in Yourself…Truthfully

Learn to Invest in Yourself…Truthfully

Being a people-pleaser only pleases them, but what about you?

Growing up as the middle child, I’ve always had to care for my younger siblings. I was the oldest in the home, while my older brothers lived with their father. The trait I had growing up was like being another parent, so it made me feel responsible in helping take care of my younger brother and sister. This pleased my mom, of course, and I didn’t mind it. However, as I gotten older, I noticed how some people, including my mother, would take advantage of me. This began to take a toll on me, and no matter how much I helped them, if wasn’t enough. This led to a breaking point in my life.

Feeling obligated to help the people I care for, and sometimes feeling bad for their situation, created an overload for me. I was so busy taking care of them, but who was taking care of me? It took some time for me to learn that investing in others is okay, yet they must truly want to help themselves. People should not take  advantage of others, and instead help them help themselves, and vice versa. Just imagine if we lived in a world like this; so many of us would be happier.

Investing in yourself takes time and patience. There will be people, especially the ones you were helping, that will think otherwise. When I decided to go back to school, some of these people behaved as if I was doing something wrong. These are the type of people that don’t deserve your help. The nerve of them to become angry because you want to do better for yourself. We can’t help everyone, all the time, but we can help ourselves, all the time. When some people see that, they become¬†negative towards you or your accomplishments, and sometimes don’t realize that.

This should be an inspiration to¬†them, but instead they change when you are no longer a benefit to them, and that’s not right, nor fair. I like helping people help themselves, but when I come across people who just want to take advantage of my help, I have to break away from them. It is not mine, nor anyone else’s responsibility to hold their hands constantly, so they can get over their issue. Some people don’t really want to help themselves, so they put their issue onto others. What sense does that make?

The funny thing is, they may think of the person, who’s investing in themselves, as selfish, but in reality they’re the ones’ that are selfish. So take it from me, and learn how to invest in yourself. It is not about “getting money”, investing in yourself includes taking the time to truly take care of you; adding quality to your life. This can be taking on a new hobby, spending time alone, treating yourself, saving money for yourself, etc. Investing is anything that’s going to help you in the long run. Your journey should be about you, and it is okay to put yourself first. A lot of us don’t, and waste time on others who are not as valuable to us, as we are to them.

What does the quote above mean to you?

Take the time to figure out who’s in your best interest, and who’s taking up space…

Getting out of Unhealthy Relationships

Getting out of Unhealthy Relationships

Notice how I said “Relationships”…

We met at end on 2005. Both nineteen years old without a clue in the world. We had the same interest, and wanted the same things, so it was perfect. However, perfect doesn’t mean you actually know a¬†person, or even yourself. The first mistake was moving in together early in the relationship. I knew it wasn’t going to be a good idea, but I still went along with it. I then learned the things that I didn’t like about him, but at the same time I felt bad. I cared for him deeply, and that was my mistake. He didn’t deserve the level of commitment I gave him, as he didn’t have the same love for me.¬†He never called me out my name, nor cheated (that I know of anyhow), but the abuse was still there. We’d argue and fight, both verbally and physically.

When will it ever end I thought to myself. It got to the point where I didn’t know what was worse; his emotional abuse, his anger issues, or drinking problem. Something had to change.¬†How dare he move his family in with us, when there wasn’t a lick of help from them. But yet I still took care of my end. When will it ever end I thought to myself, and I began thinking too much. I had to think about¬†other things ,and began focusing on my self, my health, and spiritual journey. This is what helped me overcome my fear of change. The arguments grew, and so did the fighting. He once¬†went through my laundry to sniff my underwear to see if I was cheating! It was becoming a nightmare, and there was no fixing something that was already broken.¬†I never thought about our future as husband and wife because we were young, but it got to the point where our relationship wasn’t fun anymore.

You can’t change people, but you can attract the right ones. You just have to fix what’s breaking you. So much has happen in those 5 years we were together, and most of them were bad. It took some self-reflection to finally move on and be happy. The most challenging part of this was losing friends. These “friends” were comfortable in their situation, and expected me to be comfortable with them. You can’t expect to get support from those who haven’t had the same experience. I couldn’t even go to a friends house without him showing up.”Beep, Beep, Beep!” (looks out the window) “who’s that”? “Your ex is outside”. Why in the heck did he show up to my friends house at 2 in the morning?! With a machete?! This is getting out of hand. And due to him being mean to my cats, ¬†I had to take them¬†to my mothers house.

It was finally over and it was the best, and worst thing I’ve ever been through. It was the best because I learned a lot about myself, and worst because of how I had to learn. You can only love someone so much, and it is okay to love them, but you don’t have to be with them. No one deserves to be treated this way, and it is not okay.¬†You really have to learn about a person. Get to know their family, their friends, their interest etc. However, you won’t really know 100% about a person until you live with them. Now this doesn’t mean to hurry off to move with your significant other, or be nervous about it. Just don’t get your hopes up, and be prepared for anything.This means to not depend on them, and to make sure you are able to care for yourself. I had my own account where I was saving money, so once I told him we were over, I was out that day. Dealing with someone who is prone to arguing and fighting can be unpredictable, or maybe¬†predictable. Most of the time, they wait for the opportunity to do it all over again. Take it for me, I once tried leaving a couple years prior, but because I wasn’t fully prepared, I ended up back with him. You don’t want to get stuck, so this means disconnect yourself from them, completely.

Self-reflection and self-worth are very important when making decisions, and sometimes the support you need is not what you’ll get. Don’t be afraid to move on alone. After all this is your journey, and you are responsible for your own happiness.

Take care,

M0J0

*image provided by Google Images, 2016