Sometimes they’re harsher than a mothafucka. The memory comes back and all of a sudden you’re feeling as if you’re right back where it all started. You tell yourself you’re no longer there, but you can still see it. You tell yourself you’re no longer there, but you can still feel it. You ask why this unpleasant memory came up, and no one knows. No one can tell you why it happened, and no one can tell you why it keeps happening. Not all reminders are gentle. Some reminders are just blatantly rude. They can come up when you least expect it, they can come up when a lot of good things are happening. Why do they come up? They must be here for a reason.. right?? They remind us of how it was back then, and remind us of how far we’ve come. What do you think of these reminders? Gentle or not? Do you allow yourself to sit with it and connect with the feeling? Or do you bury it down, trying to numb the unpleasant sensation?

I’ve once loved the holiday season, and I still do, but I love it for a different reason now. There was a time I loved the holidays, because it seems to bring out the best in people. This was until I noticed it can bring out the worst in people too. The holiday season is a reminder for me, and maybe it is for you. Is it a gentle reminder? or is it harsh? Today was a gentle reminder, but not so much yesterday. Every day will be different, but I’m still going to cater to my peace and put her first. I remind myself that was then and this is now. I remind myself that there is nothing more I need to do than to enjoy my time the way that feels right to me. I no longer worry about the guilt that was once there because I know deep down what the holidays once meant to me. I no longer think about the what ifs, because I trust that it all had to happen for me to get to this point. Better now than later, I say to myself. Better with peace than with hate I will leave them with. Understand this time of year, or any time for that matter can be unpleasant as the memories run by, but also understand where you are at now in the present moment.

Affirmation:

I enjoy the holiday cheer, and no longer allow grief from the past linger.