Some people find it hard to believe that I’m single…, and that I enjoy it! I enjoy it so much NOW that I finally realize this is what I desire, my own type of FREEDOM. Growing up I’ve seen people desire for romantic love, almost too much & unbearable for me to see. I’d play along thinking this is what I want, but never truly did. I’ve date, had both long-term & short-term relationships. I’ve seen how they’ve changed me, as they should (bring the best out in people) and sometimes the worst, but all in all LEARN from them. I never understood the need, but then again maybe it was the type of environment(s) that’ve triggered me. I grew up in a single parent home. I’ve seen my mother with different men (married like 5 times) and yet always ended alone. I’ve seen more bad than good in relationships, and the good I’ve seen seemed FAKE. I never thought every relationship was bad, because it wasn’t, and they’ve all began with “LOVE”. But I’ve learned at a very young age that LOVE isn’t enough. People grow, either together or apart, but there’s always someone who takes the bigger fall (bigger sacrifice). Most of the time, it’s women.

I’d play with dolls pretending to be more superior than men, and my rebellious act hardened me, making me feel less attracted to men (romantically). I’d date around, thinking I’d fall in love, and at some point I have (but that wasn’t enough) NO ONE was ever enough. I’ve turned down 3 marriages, thinking it was too soon, or just knowing it wasn’t enough. NO ONE was ever enough. It had nothing to do with them. I tried figuring it out, and even considered if I was gay, NAH, I just didn’t have the romantic desire for anyone. However, time and time again I’d sexually fantasize about men but didn’t always act on it. I didn’t need or want to, and this began to continue. I’d think about the times, and the men I had sex with, and it was uncomfortable and even comical, but to me that’s just it. The feeling I had for riding a bike, rollerblading, or getting a real good workout session in…. There’s nothing magical about it (in my mind SEX is to create life) & I’ve never wanted children, and maybe this is due to having to grow up fast. I’d help my mom with my younger siblings, and be a 2nd mom to them. It was a lot, because I was still a kid myself. I had to make sacrifices that shouldn’t have been mine to make.

As a single woman, I’ve lived in different places, with different people (outside my family). I saw the same thing, just in different settings. It boggled my mind of the extreme lengths people go through just to be in a relationship (or have a family). A lot of us don’t realize how traumatized we are, or how much we’re creating it…… and again this isn’t for everyone, this is for those who play the role. Unconsciously, we act out what se see growing up, it is learned behavior (how else would we know), but then there comes a time we began picking habits of those around us, from what we watch, to how we think. Do we think it through, not all the time. And oftentimes that role sticks with us sooooo much we become a product of our environment(s). This isn’t always bad, but if we’re not careful we become what we thought we didn’t like. I’ve seen how unhappy people were in their relationships and would think why stay? If you’re unhappy leave. It doesn’t always have to be about the other person, but the sacrifice of personal happiness to fill a void (to be with someone) and later create resentment…. I couldn’t see myself doing that anymore. It makes sense considering I’ve made a lot of sacrifices prior to becoming an adult, 34 now. But as an empath, and being around other couples (while with someone & while single), y’all make my stomach turn.

I’d thought I’d be missing out being single, and not knowing how to be alone. But then I became comfortable being alone, and preferring it more than not. I’m an introvert, social introvert, and enjoy doing what I want on my own time, with whoever I want on my own time. I came to this NU discovery by allowing myself to feel and think INDEPENDENTLY, regardless how others feel. I’m sticking to ME this time, because I’ve listened to others before and lost my ways. I have lost myself. I’m back to me, for me, and NO ONE else. As an empath, we’re naturally tuned in to others emotions. By default, we generally put others before ourselves. I don’t see anything wrong with this, UNLESS you feel drained. The drainage doesn’t have to have anything to do with the actual person, but instead it is present and makes you feel uncomfortable. Understand this is how it feels for me to be in a relationship. I’d hear isn’t that selfish. HA! like needing to be with someone isn’t? We have our own SELFish reasons of why we want what we want, but it doesn’t mean we NEED it. I want healthy relationships with everyone I come across as fellow human beings, but it doesn’t mean I need to be locked down. I’ve always believed that when you truly love someone you set them free, so why hold them down by creating a “partnership”? Again, it is okay that we think differently, and it doesn’t mean we’re wrong.

Let’s not make it a right or wrong thing, and instead accept WE ALL WANT different things. It may look different to someone else, but if someone is happy don’t assume they NEED or WANT MORE when you may not know ANYTHING of what they want/or need. Again, lets not assume, lets learn and grow from there.

I’m excited to share with you that us single folk have fun and have a life too! Lets encourage and inspire others to be their AUTHENTIC selves, no matter what others think!

Moj0