He Said He Loves Me…

He Said He Loves Me…

Of course he did. And maybe he thought he did.

What does love mean to you? Maybe that’s what it was all along, and maybe we were both loving each other wrong.

We loved differently………

He said he misses me. And maybe he does.

But on the other hand all of that missing was the feeling I don’t miss when we once was.

It’s too late for all of the that, so he can miss me with the bullcrap. 

He said I was right. And I knew he would say that. They always do.

But it was never about being right or wrong, it was about being true…all along.

All the things he says to me now, doesn’t even matter now…..

I’ve always thought that was funny. The similarities of one wanting something so badly back then, and all of the sudden now the other.

It’s too late for all of that, so he can tell me he loves me, he can tell me he misses me, and that I was right all along…None of those sayings matter at this point, especially when you could have said back then.

Maybe those feelings weren’t valid then as they are now, but so are mine. I thought, and I’ve said a lot, but after time apart, I realized that I was right, and where I am now is where I belong.

Too bad you had to learn this way, but what more can I say…



Learn to Be Done & Be Fine with Being Done…

Learn to Be Done & Be Fine with Being Done…

You gotta look out for you, especially when no one else does….

There comes a point in your life when you start to question things more than before. Your self-awareness is at an all time high, and you begin to grow more as a person. This process is needed, but sometimes it can be painful. You try to bring those who are important to you along this journey. Deep down, you know they need this as much, if not more, than you. Well not every journey is for everyone, so you gotta keep going. Even if its leaving them behind.

It hurts right? Especially when its your own family. I never had a close family, and always had a “family” outside my own family. Growing up, I realized the changes and sacrifices I would have to make in order to be better than them. And that was to not be around them. Unfortunately, I didn’t have many positive role models in my family, except my older brothers. But as far as cousins, aunts, uncles, etc., I didn’t. I have a pretty big family, but we’re not close. Some of us, like myself, escaped the family drama that never had anything to do with the present moment, but somehow things always comes up. In other words, there was no healing.

I refuse to be around anyone who is full of drama. It doesn’t get us anywhere, instead it brings more misery and pain. No one deserves to stay stuck, but if you choose to, then leave me out. I always choose to go the other route. Life is too short, and I would whether put in time to better myself, than to dwell on past events that has nothing to do with me. I know some of this is out of their control, but it is difficult being around people who are not on the same level as you. Sometimes distancing yourself allows them to focus on themselves, and most of the time they don’t even do that.

YOU have to find it within yourself to be done with THEIR misery and pain. YOU have to set yourself FREE.

So what happens when you don’t set yourself free? Their misery and pain grows onto you. Somehow you’re the focus of their issue. This is when you need to back off….

These types of people can’t be happy for you, because they are not happy with themselves. You can’t expect to have a healthy relationship with an unhappy person. Even if it is a family member. Sad right? Well this is the story of my life, and that’s why I always say I don’t have a family. I’ve accepted this already. Besides my cats, a few good friends, and my partner, I don’t have any close family members. Instead, I have family members who are jealous and cruel towards one another.

They want the heat off of their own troubles, but try to add the heat to yours. It is so cruel and selfish of them to do that. They play the victim role, and there comes a time when you just have to be done with playing their victim game. But, it hurts the most when you’re trying your hardest to be nice to them, and still it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough….

Why would someone dare want to ruin your happiness? That’s one of the things I’m most passionate about. They do this to bring you down, or at least try to and that’s not right. We are in the flesh, but not everyone’s soul is where it needs to be. It just sucks that these souls have to be cruel to others, and for no reason. This goes to show that it doesn’t matter who the person is, it can be someone in, or outside, your family, and they’ll still treat you like crap. And you don’t deserve that.

This is still a learning process for me, because I don’t know anyone else who has these types of problems. It is easier to deal with when it is not a family member, but how difficult is it when it is your mother?! This game has been going on since I was younger, one day she loves me, and the next she is treating me like a bum on the street. I’m to the point of being done, and being fine with it. You get tired of people treating you any kind of way, because they feel like it. What about honesty, and compassion? Not everyone is capable of giving this.

I use to do a lot for my mother, helping her as if I was her parent, and I was okay with it. But that wasn’t enough. I tried inviting her opening my home to her, but that wasn’t enough. She still brings drama, unnecessary drama, wherever she goes. My psychologist told me these are the people I need to stay away from. With the kind of heart I have, these people don’t deserve my time. This is because they don’t want my help, they just want to take and take, and the only thing they can offer is drama, and that’s not a gift.

I use to feel horrible not wanting to be around my mother, but again, how can you have a healthy relationship with someone who is unhappy? Why should I, or anyone be around someone who is not looking to have a loving relationship? Unfortunately, she didn’t have this growing up, so what to expect right? Why even try if you’re the only one trying….

When it gets to this point, and trust me there were many points, I distance myself. I don’t respond to calls, text messages, etc. I stay to myself and become productive. I use this time and energy to create and motivate, and that’s why I’m here. To anyone experiencing family drama, you’re not alone. Know that it is challenging, but also know your limits. You are only you, and you have to take care of yourself first.

Don’t be afraid to distance yourself. We can’t expect people to understand their faults, it is for them to figure out on their own, and sometimes they’ll never figure it out. But don’t ever be cruel back, instead, just take a step back from the situation and regroup. Sometimes you have to let things fall apart. Let these types of situations motivate you. Just know that what ever other people are going through is them, and it has nothing to do with you.

Let them be as you become more, and more, at peace with yourself. This is all a part of the process, and sometimes things get thrown at you for no reason. Take this challenge full on, and become stronger!

We’ll get through this better than before.


Funny Friday Foolery -_-

Funny Friday Foolery -_-

Nothing is more embrassing than having the cops search your home….for nothing.

It was a beautiful day. I had just got off work early, and decided to go home and relax. It was on a Friday, so a few of my friends wanted to hang out, but being the loner that I really am, I decided to spend time alone; at home, where no one else was. The boyfriend, at the time, and his brother were already gone, so I was really going to enjoy my space. No noise, no bodies around, just me and my cats. I get a lot of things done while being alone, so I napped, cleaned, wrote, and blasted music. Sounds like a good day right?

Then, people began showing up. The boyfriend, at the time, and his brother came home….with their people, so let the weekend shenangins began. We were having a good time until I tried to open my bedroom door. It felt like someone was pushing the door back. And because there were so many people in the house, I thought someone was playing around. I had the brother come upstairs to open the door and he experienced the same thing, except he freaked out and said “SOMEBODY’S IN HERE!”. He frantically ran down the stairs, and had everyone go outside. My boyfriend thought it was a great idea to put me and my cats in the storage unit downstairs. I was laughing hysterically because I was nervous, but I knew this couldn’t be happening. I was here all day!

They decided to call the cops, and I kid you not, there were about 6 of them that showed up. Oh, and they brought their dogs too. It was too much, I couldn’t believe this was happening. I told the boyfriend and his brother that there couldn’t be any strangers up there, but they thought someone was trying to rob us by climbing through the window. This is why you can’t smoke certain types of marijuana. The cops searched all over, and no one was found. They noticed it was my huge bag that was hanging on the door, which was pushing the door back. This happened about 6 years ago, and still to this day I laugh. This is just a reminder that even through your most trying times (like an unhealthy relationship), there is always something funny to look back at. I will go more into detail about this relationship, but for now, I wanted to share something funny. Super embarassing right?

Have a marvelous Friday everyone! More to come, so stay tuned!