It can be challenging when you grieve a living person…

This is for those who have dysfunctional families. The one’s who had a hard time getting away, but the longer you were away, the more you understood you needed to be. I see you, I hear you, and I’m with you. A lot of people may not realize how this type of grief can affect someone, and maybe they are in some denial of their own, or maybe they clearly have no experience dealing with toxic people, or toxic relatives. It’s much different than the toxic people at your job, and it hits differently when it’s family members you were once close with.

Then once you decide you’re done, you may find yourself caught in the middle because other members of your family still stick around this person/or people, and then expect you to come around whenever there is an event, or family function.

Well no, I don’t want to go to that family function right now.

And you tell them, I’m not ready for that yet.

Some people may understand, while others will look at you and make comments like “that was a long time ago”, or “when are you going to forgive them?”, “just understand where they’re coming from and let it go”, and my favorite “that’s just how they are”… Well they can say all of these things, but it still doesn’t change what has already happened. It doesn’t change the person, or how they once made/or make you feel. But give it time, you know the saying “time heals”…

Time doesn’t heal, but it is what you are doing within that time that does….

You can wait years and years, but it doesn’t mean a person changes. You also have to trust yourself and your gut, because you experienced what others may have not, so you know the possible outcomes. Just because time has passed, and they showed other people they changed, doesn’t mean they actually did. Some toxic people change according to who they’re around and their circumstances. You remember the situation and how it interrupted your life, so you have to decide if its worth letting go.

You already forgave them, and can continue forgiving them all you want, but it still doesn’t change what happened.

You have to hold respect and value yourself first, so when it comes to how other people treat you (family or not) you hold those same standards. These expectations come from those you hold with yourself. However, they can always change. As you become more self aware and evolve, you can’t hold those expectations, however it does make a difference when others appreciate those same values and respect themselves. A lot of the problems we have with each other stems from our own personal problems. You have to decide if this person is acting out of love, or hate. It’s one thing people make mistakes, but to be vindictive is another…

Allow yourself to love without conditions, but to also receive love genuinely from others.

Moj0