Have you ever thought about a man who has all of the good qualities of your exes ? Lol does he even exist? Just joking, but in all seriousness he does exist….

No one is perfect, but there is someone perfect for you, just like how you are perfect for someone else. It’s about attracting your match, but of course making sure there is a REAL match. In my dating history, I never went out with the same type of man twice because I was at different phases in my life, and when you change so does your type. These are the qualities I tend to look for, but at the same time these are the same qualities that can be presented in a toxic way. Be careful to what you are attracted to and pay attention to how they present themselves.

My first love was an overbearing protective maniac. In the beginning, I did see the red flags but at age 19/20 I thought his madness was a representation of his love for me. I understood it as passion, but then realize his way of showing me his passion was more toxic than healthy. We brought out the worst in each other. At that time, we didn’t know how to express and accept our feelings. We didn’t really understand our own feelings. There was a lot of fire and aggression from his side, and passive aggression on mine. Being young, and both from toxic households, we grew apart. I had to get out that relationship because it was not getting better. In fact, our arguments turned more physical and it was time to go.

The friend was a more balanced relationship. We had a good partnership, but we lacked understanding our intimate needs. He had a fetish that I accepted and wanted to continue understanding, but he wasn’t willing to open up. I felt the relationship wasn’t growing and it made me feel stuck and unmotivated. I was ready to grow more as an individual and he wasn’t. Just because you get together with someone doesn’t mean your life has to stop. You’ll end up regretting and resenting your partner not doing what your heart desires. Love should motivate you not suffocate you. What I took from this relationship is that you can really know a person and want to grow with them, but they have to want the same things as well in order for things to work.

The provider was a short lived relationship because he was trying to change who I was. Just because you can provide for someone doesn’t mean you should change them. I am not a doll, you cannot dress me any way you want and make me out to be something you want. If you cannot accept me for who I am then you mustn’t really know or like me. You have to consider that a lot of people deal with different types of insecurities, but are they working on themselves or too busy trying to project those insecurities on you?

It’s true that we are attracted to what we are familiar with, but is what we’re familiar with toxic or healthy? We really need to dig deep within ourselves and ask ourselves why we are attracted to a person, and should we be attracted to those traits. Don’t be afraid to explore these questions and allow yourself to discover more.

What are the qualities you look for? Are they toxic, healthy, or a little bit of both?